I was only a child,
not quite four years of age,
when I discovered I was a force to be reckoned with.
An early memory; my introduction to rage.

There we were, my younger brother and I,
late afternoon, minds deep inside our imaginations.
A friendly skirmish, a playful fight
was turned sour with the release of my primal violence.

I sought an end to our struggle, brandishing a hand shovel:
the first weapon that I'd ever known.
My blood beginning to boil, I took this tool meant for soil
and I sent the dull blade into my sibling's back.
Then just for a moment, before guilt set in,
my mind was on fire experiencing sweet jubilee.

Is my bloodlust a simple product of human nature
or is it a manifestation of the anger seen in my father?
Regardless of its origin, I am the one responsible to reign it in.

It didn't take very long for me to see pain as the answer to my animosity.
A crude precursor to myself today, I was a boy overwrought and naive.

Details will remain hard to recover,
these half-repressed memories make my physically sick.
Unwittedly I'd become a master of terror,
seeking sick pleasure in the form of inflicting fear and anguish.

In the blink of an eye my conscience could abandon me,
spinning me into a fury the likes of which you've never seen.

Anger controls my behavior,
no respect for life.
Zero pity for those who stand against me,
no respect for life.

I have no love for the demon that hides in my skin.
He breathes with my lungs, lashes out with my limbs.

I've had enough, now I'll take my revenge.
Carving scars into his arm, I will make him repent.
The calm that followed is a feeling I'll never forget.
The pain I self-inflicted marked the very beginning,
a payment toward my demon's debt.

Ever since that moment,
my body demands something more from me.
I'm a slave to torment.

Luckily for me, the violence that I need comes in many varieties:
I explore it with lovers and pursue it using bloodsport.
I become a stranger, a cruel force when left without access to my sadistic outlet.
Feed me pain in my favorite form, follow me into the mosh pit!

Right here, right now
I'll spill blood with my brothers.

Right here, right now
I'll spill blood with my brothers.
Right here, right now
I'll spill blood with you.

Appeasing the demon with a steady supply of sweet agony,
I have eschewed my frightful tendency to bring unwanted harm to others.

Finally free.

Pain, please release me
from the rage that's made its home in my body.
Seduce me with your icy kiss,
reward me with your punishment, show me bliss.

Once filled with anger and hatred,
I blame only myself and my will to retain it.
I've found my release.
Rage is poison, pain is peace.