For years and years I searched for some kind of meaning.
Desperate and depressed, I was a sad sight to see.
It took me way too long to discover that I am in control.
I am the generator, the motivator.

Only I can decide my purpose,
and only I can navigate my way.

I will not be constrained by expectations others have of me,
instead I'll follow my own passions; work to realize my dreams.

But it wasn't always quite like this
and no matter how hard I try to avoid it,
the temptation will return.

Take your own life, you are nothing.
Your pain is permanent.

It appears with no warning, destroying my sanity:
self-hatred embodied, I must escape.

Fearing for my safety, I fled to the pen and paper
to explore the cause of my distress: my mind,
my own lonely frontier.
In the absence of love and without any direction
I looked deep into myself, not seeking hope, but seeking answers.
Answers that were nowhere to be found.
Why does this happen to me? It seems my mind is unsound.
How can I ever escape this emotion?

I was defeated
by my own introspection.

I had no one to run to,
nowhere to go.
Bound tightly in chains that I'd fashioned myself,
witless and weak, I knew no way out.

In a desperate bargain I begged for death to take me away.

It always returns.
It appears with no warning, destroying my sanity.
Self-hatred embodied, I must escape.

I must escape from the violent, self-consuming fantasy harbored inside.
I crave an outlet to explore my insanity,
I seek the tools to build a realized life.

I will share my perspective with the world.
This isn't for your sake, but rather my own:
in this expression I have found my home.

Paying my contribution to culture while
relieving myself of a deadly burden:
forging confidence where it was never found.

I have freed myself from the bondage,
I will walk where too few dare to tread.
One day I'll gaze upon my creations
and thank myself for never giving in.

I know this is all I have to give,
a small piece of myself that in my dreams will travel
far and wide to make its home inside
the minds of others who live in fear.

It seems I've found a solution.
I'll put an end to my suffering.

I'm no longer searching for my way out,
that battle's been fought and won, for now.
Instead I will only seek to better myself,
leaving nothing but love and hope behind when my time comes.

I'm no longer searching for my way out,
that battle's been fought and won, for now.